So Here's an Update

Here I am! Where have I been? I don't know. I'm too tired to remember. I'm 29 now, not really trying to think about how dangerously close to 30 that is. I'm working as a Para at a middle school in my hometown district. It's the lowest paying job I've ever had. It's also the most rewarding. I completed alternate certification to teach in Missouri, but so far no luck in being hired. I'm a terrible interview. No. Seriously. I mean why am I being measured on my ability to come up with fantastic interview answers when really I just need to be able to teach content and build meaningful relationships with my students? 

Oh well. So now I'm trying to get through grad school. Hooooray for more student loans! I'm 2 classes in. I'm doing well but it's hard and scary. I guess that's good for me. It's making me think all these deep thoughts and stuff. And I have to talk. To people. A lot. 

There's some pretty cool people in my classes who've made me feel safe. So I'm trying to be brave and get over my whole awkward, quiet, mysterious way of being. Life is better out in the open. Maybe. I'll try it out anyway. 

Kids are goooood. Husband is goooood. My whole deal in life right now is just exploring my brain and living in the now. I've got to stop being sad over the past. I also need to stop trying to hurl myself into the future. I mean holy cow Ashley, slow the f*** down already! 

I want to trust in the universe and trust in my thoughts. I want to trust the path that life is taking me (I've been reading way too much Emerson). I want to enjoy the now. I want to really be with the people I love and enjoy the company of new people. I can't stop being afraid, but I can face my fears and do it anyway. I want to be creative again. Creativity is God working through us. 

Enough of that. Later!