The universe is a weird place. I Love how we end up seeing, doing, and being things that it seems we were always meant to see, do, or be. There are times I think that life is just going on without asking ME what I want or what I need but then I come along a book, or a song, or movie, or a news article that says to me...'You are meant to be just where you are right now. You are meant to read this book or watch this movie or hear this song, and it is to remind you of who you are. It is to remind you that you are on your very own road and no one else’s.'
I'm reading a book now called "Eat Pray Love" and before you groan...because it's now one of those books everyone is reading because of the movie...just know they made a movie out of it for a reason...because it is a GOOD book. We most like books that remind us of ourselves, and that is exactly why I like this book. For years I have believed I was alone in my belief of God. Not the actual believing in Him part but the belief that there is more than one way to Him. And while I Love Jesus and I Love his teaching of peace and all of the wonderful messages that are inside of the Bible I just can't call myself a Christian nor can I call myself by any other religious label that claims to be a true religion. In my heart...God is more loving than that. I'll never be able to say...your religion is wrong and mine is right no matter what someone believes. I think any spiritual person would agree that spirituality (even though we share it) is very personal thing that sinks deep deep inside of our soul. And religion means something different to each and every one of us. I just know that God is Love and he Loves me and he Loves you and he Loves even the people on this earth that are easiest to hate.
It's not just about religion, or Jesus, the Pope, Buddha, or church; it's about all of these things tied together and what they teach us about Love and about ourselves. I know that when our spirits rest in "heaven" or whatever the name is for our forever home, we will see so many more faces than we ever expected. God won't be quite as judgmental as so many think. He will not deny his kingdom to people who have chosen not to follow a specific set of religious boundaries. Christians can coexist with Buddhist followers and so on. I realize, however, this idea will be rejected by those who think my idea of God is too "fluffy". In response to that rejection, I simply say that you are wrong. And one day when we're both dead and staring each other in the face you will understand.
I've been trying to decipher how all of this relates to my blog or my weight loss journey. I read about 40 pages of this book and I was compelled to write this blog in response to the emotions I have felt. In trying to improve my body I am trying to improve my mind and what it thinks of my body. I also have to admit that I am trying to improve what other minds think of my body. But God doesn't think anything of my body because he doesn't see my body; he only sees my heart. I have never seen God in a clearer light than I do now.
Are you ready for this? This morning I weighed 194 lbs. Yes!! You have to be careful about how you weigh yourself. The best idea is to do it at the same time of day...morning or night. With or without your clothes doesn't matter much as long as you do it consistently the same way every week. I think naked is probably better just because it's your true weight. Anyhow...that means 2 more lbs for me in one week! I won't really believe any of this until I hit the 189 mark. My weight doesn't fluctuate as much as Charles's does, but depending on what I eat and what I'm wearing and whether or not my hair is wet or if I've just gone to the bathroom...it can range between 2-3 lb difference at different times during the day. I'm proud of myself and I was telling a friend today that it gets a tiny bit easier each day and week that goes by. And that it's important to remember our emotional health as well as our body health. Rather than repeating it, here's what I said:
"I also realize that thin doesn’t always equal healthy which is why my goal isn’t to be thin, it’s just to be a smaller and healthier me. I also think that women lose sight of the real issues. As much as appearance is important to us it really is the person that we are that’s important…so cliché…but I need to look in the mirror more and say, “I’m pretty”…instead of “I hate my thighs…or I hate my gut.” Being that person, means caring about our bodies and our self esteem at the same time. The longer I do this the tiny bit easier it becomes. Even if I totally fail one day…that’s better than giving up all together like I usually did in the past."
I think in all of this I'm working on my confidence as a person as well because that is...THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE. I'm learning a lot about food and what's good and what's not. There are calories in everything. And calories by themselves are not the enemy. Fiber bars have fiber in them and so does most fruit...naturally. So what is better for you? The fiber bar or the fruit? Does it matter? Pick the fruit. Fiber bars have fiber but they also have empty calories. It's a man made, put together, concoction of food. Fruit has calories and natural sugar but if it's from the ground, a plant, or a tree...you can bet that it's better for you.As far as exercise goes, I did the Jillian Michaels 25 min workout video 4 times this week. I really have that higher level of activity to thank for my extra pound of weight loss because it was some of my worse days as far as eating went. I still maintained portion control but I wasn't fully thinking about all that I was eating. I can feel my stomach getting smaller though and eating less hasn't been such a struggle because I'm naturally full. I just wonder... if I really do the video everyday and eat better than I ever have...what would that do to the number on my scale? I won't make any promises but I'm going to give it a try this week.
Starting Weight: 197
Last Weeks Weight: 196
Current Weight: 194
Total Time: 2 Weeks
