Enjoy The Show

This is my current song obsession. It’s fun to listen to…and it is SO me. I can't link to youtube from work...sorry.

“Show” – Lenka

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop--
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back


I also recomend listening to "Lullaby" by the Dixie Chicks if you have little ones...or want little ones. "How long do you wanna be loved? Is forever enough... Cause I'm never ever giving you up." Oh how I miss my little monsters.

They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

Try, Try, Try Again

Let me just say this for anyone who has no idea what it feels like to be over-weight: It sucks. It sucks the way getting socks on Christmas sucks...if Christmas happened everyday. It's like constantly having a huge white zit in the middle of your forehead that you can't pop and everybody is staring at it. Except when you're over- weight ... it's your whole body they're staring at.

I know it seems like I'm exxaggerating, and I am a little because I'm not like super obese ...I'm just a chunky girl. I'm okay with saying that. I'm okay with being that. But according to the world...either you're thin or your not. For example: I went to see my sister at her work McDonalds in St. Louis last weekend. I walked up to the counter to ask for her.

Me: Can you tell Katie her sister is here to see her?
Girl at the counter: Which Katie?
Me: Katie Weiser.
Girl at the counter: Ummm....Skinny Katie?
Me. Yeah I guess.
My Friend Mike to me: Well I'd sure hate to be the Fat Katie.

I'm sure we are all guilty of this type of description, and be it an accurate description it still seems odd to me that we resort to this kind of adjective when describing a person in the company of 20 other people. And being the self conscience person that I am I have to ask myself, what adjectives do people use to describe me? Of course it shouldn't matter. We have to learn to be okay with ourselves. If your fat, or thin, or have acne, or wide hips, whatever it is...we are all uncomfortable with a part of ourselves. But I am growing increasingly uncomfortable with my chunkyness. Like I said...it sucks.

This is a little personal...but I don't care...I got an IUD in December last year so that I could stop taking the pill. And yesterday I went back to the doctor to remove the IUD and get back on the pill. Long story short, the pill I was taking really helped to control my acne breakouts and apparently my appetite. I learned that I have gained 7 lbs since I had the IUD put in...and stopped the pill.

Doctor: So you think you're gaining weight because of the IUD?
Me: Yeah and my skin is really bothering me more than usual.
Doctor. Right. Well you never know with these things. It can affect all women in a different way.
Me: Right.
Doctor: I'm not saying that your weight gain doesn't have to do in part with the IUD but you're at a period in your life now where...
Me (with my hand in the air trying to stop her from explaining what I already knew she was going to say): Oh no no. I'm not blaming it ALL on the IUD. I really think it is just making it easier for me to eat more. I have a bigger appetite.
Doctor: Good frame of mind.

So there you have it. This blog started out as a tool to help me in my journey to lose weight and I have gained 7 lbs. FAIL. But like i've said before...I knew it could happen and it isn't over until I give up. It seems crazy sometimes when I look at it. Some women need to loose a hundred or two hundred lbs to be healthy. That is a huge number of lbs that I can't IMAGINE trying to get rid of. I only need to lose about 50 to be healthy...and pretty dang cute. I could accomplish that kind of number in 6 months...if I could just get over myself. It really seems like such a small thing but it feels SO hard. My relationship with food is a whole other blog post.

I guess it's one tiny step at a time. Today I did really well for breakfast and lunch...so bring on the dinner.

Holy Tomato

I know nothing about planting but this spring I decided to put seeds in the ground to see if they would grow. Thank goodness for my husband who waters them religiously. I am a forgetful plant mother. (Isn't it enough that I have to water two human children? And feed them too!) I planted 6 tomato and 4 cantaloupe plants. And what do you know...2 of the tomato plants grew and so did one of the cantaloupe plants. I don't have much hope for the cantaloupe plant. It is such an awesome fruit and there is just no way my "garden" will be good enough for it...I will keep you posted. However, the tomato plants grew pretty tall and LOOK...my first little tomato. If it's the only one that grows, I will be the happiest Gardner ever.

My plan for next year is to dig out the entire left side of my house which is currently half flower bed, half garden, fill it with better soil, and make it a full garden...since it seems to be so good at growing things. I haven't had any problems from the rabbits yet...but I hope that my little wooden fence is enough to deter them.

My Sissy

Friday, after a possible career move failed and turned into a road trip, I ended up in St. Louis. I did not wake up that morning thinking I would be in St. Louis but my sister lives there and we (Alisha, Mike and myself) decided to visit her. I am stupid and forgot to take a picture of us together...duh...but here is my sister and her girlfriend.

My sister and I have had a difficult time understanding eachother in the past but there is no doubt how much we love eachother. Visiting her gave me a better perspective on her life and how hard she has actually been working on making it better. My hope for her is that she is strong enough to hold a vision and walk towards it until she can hold it in her hands. It doesn't matter how long it takes, if she just keeps walking forward. That's what we all have to do, right?


When it comes to her, I like to play the role of Mother more than she likes. But I'm getting better at just letting her live and make her own mistakes. I wouldn't listen to me either, so why should she? As much as I want to be...I have to tell myself...I am not her life coach. Over time we are bound to fail less and less.

I love you Katie, and I'm so proud of you for holding it together for a year now in a big city. Hard roads lead to great destinations if you follow through.