For Uncle Bill

My family lost a great man this week, greater than I ever really knew. Uncle Bill is the husband of my grandma's twin sister (both my grandma and her sister married very talented artists). He is my mom's uncle, my great uncle but I always thought of him as a grandpa-the only grandpa I ever really knew. He raised an amazing family and was an important part of St. Joseph history-a very talented man.

As we get older it seems death occurs more and more often and closer to home. It's a sad, confusing chain of thoughts. But I think we are not really grieving those who are gone. We are grieving ourselves. We are grieving what our life will be missing because that person isn't a part of it anymore.

We all know that we're going to die and that everyone around us is going to die. But I don't think we ever totally grasp that today could be our last day or the last day we'll ever see a loved one alive. Death is always sudden, even when expected. Death always leaves you wishing you had one more hug, one more chance to say, I love you. Death is hard and dark, but only for those of us who are left behind. So whenever there is a death I try to take comfort in the fact that even though I am sad and feeling lost they are not. Their spirit is free and happy.

I miss you Uncle Bill. And I do wish I could hug you just one more time. 

Obituary

**If you're ever curious just how talented Uncle Bill was, take a look at the amazing paintings in the conference room at the Remington Nature Center in St. Joseph. When no one is in there I like to go in and admire them**

Merry Late Christmas

Here are some Christmas pictures because I feel like it. :)

 And here's one because my cat is really cute.

More Snow? REALLY?

UM YEAH. I'm pretty much over this whole Winter thing. Seriously, the only thing that gets me through it are pictures like these wiht my fancy new camera.

The Rest of My Life

Besides subbing and studying I have been hanging out with my kids and trying to improve my life style habits. I’ve been eating better and exercising for a little over a week and already seeing an improvement. I haven’t stayed this strong since I was on weight watchers a few years ago and I think the difference is that Charles is on board with me AND I’ve done it long enough that it’s getting easier. Have you ever heard of T25? It’s a crazy hard work out that you do 25 minutes a day. Charles and I have been doing it in the living room every night. I’m not craving bad food so hard and the exercises are getting easier. I’ve said it a million times before and I don’t want to let myself down again but so far I’m feeling good and I think we can do it. I hope we WILL.

I’ve had a lot of friendship changes in the last year and my social life is definitely suffering. I miss my friends. I think part of that has to do with not working a full time job and living in Platte City away from anyone I used to see. I get a little lonely sometimes but I think things will change when my life settles down and quits changing so often. Isn’t it so hard to make friends and keep friends when you’re an adult?

My house SOLD. It was a long, annoying process. We did it to help pay some debt and start over. Right now we rent a duplex and plan on buying a house again in a couple years.

I still have big dreams of settling down in the perfect house, getting and keeping a really great job, adopting a child, taking a lot more family vacations, and just maintaining a more positive outlook on life and passing that onto my children. Sometimes I look back at who I was when I was 20 and I can’t believe the ways I’ve grown and how I’ve changed. Hudson is in school again and lately he has been coming home and saying to me, “Mommy, it’s okay to make mistakes. That’s what my teacher told me.” Yes, Hudson, thank you for reminding me. It’s okay to make mistakes.

I'm Going to be a Teacher!

Here I am blogging again! I feel a lot better since the demise of my last job. Right now I’m substitute teaching for two districts and studying for an alternative teaching certification route (if you have your bachelors and want to be a teacher-ask me about it). It’s not easy and having basically one income for all this time has been a learning experience and a challenge. I have had faith that we would be fine and I guess faith goes a long ways because somehow we have paid our bills. I seriously don’t understand how we did it some months…but we did. It’s no less stressful, but we did it.

I have passed the Professional Teaching Knowledge test and now I’m studying for the English Language Art’s test. I’m already interviewing for Fall positions and really hoping someone will look past the fact that I’m not certified yet and not going the traditional route. If things go as planned I will be finished by May and certified over the Summer.

A part of me has always wanted to be a teacher. I have never felt confident enough or smart enough to pass on my knowledge to kids. Lately I have been brave and trying things. I was terrified to be a sub-but I did it. I was terrified to sub high school kids-but I did it. I was terrified to start this program-but I did it and I’m 1/3 of the way done (way faster than most)! I want to be a teacher for the kids who were like me growing up. I want to be at least the one person in their lives that encourages them and believes in them. I know it’s hard work and the pay isn’t awesome but I think it will be rewarding enough to keep me strong. The summers and holidays are a nice benefit. They are not the reason I want to teach but they definitely give me the time I need for myself to thrive and something to look forward to-not something you get with a normal job.

I feel like I have taken so long to figure out where I want to go but I just tell myself to ignore that voice and keep pushing. I mean geesh… I’m still in my twenties. Some people never figure out what they want to do with their lives. I’ll be 38 when my daughter graduates high school and have lots of time to really focus on my work. Aren’t you jealous? Here’s to a new beginning!