In a little over a month, Charles and I will have been married for 5 years. We have been together for over 7. In all honesty…relationships are hard. Marriage is even harder. I’d be a liar if I told you I never doubted our relationship. I’d be a liar if I told you I have never been so angry with him that I thought about leaving a time or two. But in those times of doubt, in those times of hurt and anger, I always found peace because I knew the answers to the following questions:
1.) Does he love me? Oh yes…oh yes he does. I’ve never once believed that there was even a possibility that he didn’t or that he is less in love with me today than he was when we first met. Men are less emotional than woman. They are usually more practical and straightforward. It’s a hard lesson for woman to learn, but even if he doesn’t say it or show it at times…it doesn’t mean it isn’t so. They need a little push. They need to learn to communicate in a more open way, much in the way we women need to learn to stop being so overly dramatic about life. If you are around each other long enough, you will rub off on each other and things eventually even out. We teach them…and they teach us. But I think it’s mostly the first.
2.) Would he ever be unfaithful, or hurt me in any way? Not in a million years. Not in bajillion, or zillion years. I have such a faith in my husband in this way. You might think that other women have felt this way… and then BOOM! They find an old girlfriends number in his pants pocket, or he got angry one night and shoved her. You might think that they never saw it coming…that they had the same faith in their own husband. But I think you are wrong. I think she never truly had that kind of faith at all. There are always little hints, little signs of person’s true intentions. And if you love a man, you know. A woman’s intuition doesn’t lie. Trust your instincts, and it will save you a lot of heartache. If he does it once, he will do it twice…and then a third time. Don’t be a victim. My husband is faithful in everything he is and everything he does and I believe with everything I am that I can always depend on that. I wouldn’t expect anything less, and I wouldn’t accept anything less.
3.) Is he a good father? The best. First of all, he is here. He is a good husband who respects his wife and is at home with his children. So many fathers today are not. As much as we love each other…the children are first. He works for them. He wants them to have a nice home, a good school district, a place to grow up free and happy. He wants a good education for them, he wants them to have more choices than we did. He wants them to feel loved and safe. He wants everything that I want for them and he’s doing the work to make it happen. Like he always says, “There are two kinds of people in this world, Do-ers, and Don’t Do-ers.” To say the least, he is a Do-er. People are right to say that actions are stronger than words, which is why I forgive him for not having many.
I am a 24 year old woman and I am so thankful for all that I have been able to accomplish with him so far. I met Charles when I was 17, when I wasn’t mature, when I didn’t know what I wanted or who I was. I can’t believe how lucky I am that he turned out to be a great life mate, a great husband, a great father. I’m thankful that we are able to laugh together. I am thankful that we are able to argue and then forgive. He is the only man I have ever been able to depend on, and the only person who I’m comfortable enough with to be my 100%, uncensored, imperfect, messy, emotional self. I will always be his.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Update on Me
I haven’t blogged in awhile. I don’t know if it’s been a case of writer’s block or writer’s laziness, but here is what has been up with me:
Walking with Aryn:
Aryn and I have continued to go on our weekly walks. We switch every week. One week she comes to my house, the next I go to hers. This week was killer. I’m pretty sure we fast walked about 4 ½ very hilly miles. I feel it all over today. She has been doing well for a few weeks now. I’m starting to take it more seriously and have maybe lost 2lbs. It’s nice to have a partner to check up on me. I even felt a little guilty when she told me about her progress. So now I’m trying to stay on track!
Briana and Hudson:
Every now and again I get a reminder that my little kiddos will not be little kiddos forever. This weekend we changed their car seats and their beds! Hudson is now old enough to sit in the big kid car seat like Briana, and she is now old enough to only have the booster seat. On top of that we moved Briana’s toddler bed into Hudson’s room and are going to turn Hudson crib into a twin sized bed (it converts) for Briana. In one day, my kids outgrew their seats and their beds. This is a terrible thing. To get over it, I have to remind myself of the following: Hudson still loves to hug and squish my face against his; Briana still lets me hold her hand and tuck her in at night; Hudson still cries, “Mommy,” and runs to me (arms wide open) when he is sad; and Briana still wants to cuddle when she is sick. I think these things will still be true for awhile to come. The hardest thing about being a mother is to knowing everyday your children will depend on you a little less, until one day…you have to depend on them.
Painting:
My house is starting to look like a home. If you didn’t know, nothing was painted when we bought it. It looked the way an apartment looks with off white, bare walls. But throughout the months we have been making progress: a bathroom here, a closet there. This past four day weekend we (by we I mean Charles) made a huge leap as far as painting goes. We finished the kitchen and the living room. Though I have to give him most of the credit for labor, I always pick out the color. And if I may say so myself, I have done a fabulous job thus far. Now we only have to choose the perfect color for our bedroom and master bath, finish the hallway, and finish some closets. I will update with pictures soon.
School and Work:
Since I haven’t been blogging…I have been thinking, thinking, and thinking some more. Recently my husband made me aware that if I wanted to go back to school so badly…then I should just do it. He said it would be difficult but that we would work together to make it happen. We would have to sell our home and cut back some debt, but it was a real possibility. I was simply giddy that he was open to this. But now that he was open to it, I had to decide if I myself truly wanted to do it. I researched universities, degree programs, admission requirements, and career choices. I figured out all the steps of making a decision like this happen. I pondered current expenses that I could eliminate. I opened myself up to the possibility of failure. I reminded myself of school stressors and asked myself if I could handle it all again…and for much longer this time around. I asked myself if I wanted to give up my current career path, my home, my income. I told myself that I could do it. I told myself that I was capable and that the reward would be great. And finally…I made a decision: No. I will not go back to school.
I made this decision because I think overall…I’m just starting to get antsy again. I’m looking for change. I’m looking for a quick fix. I don’t want to be that person all of the time. I picked my degree for a reason. Maybe someday I’ll find a career those better suits me or maybe I will love the underwriting program that I still plan on trying in the summer. Even better….maybe I’ll win the lottery. Above everything, I am a mother. I am a wife, and I’m a homeowner. My job is something that I do, and it doesn’t define me as a person. It’s what I do to so that my kids have all the stuff that kids need. It’s one of very few complaints in my life… and to me, that’s pretty awesome. So here I remain…feeling a little better to know that I have choices.
Walking with Aryn:
Aryn and I have continued to go on our weekly walks. We switch every week. One week she comes to my house, the next I go to hers. This week was killer. I’m pretty sure we fast walked about 4 ½ very hilly miles. I feel it all over today. She has been doing well for a few weeks now. I’m starting to take it more seriously and have maybe lost 2lbs. It’s nice to have a partner to check up on me. I even felt a little guilty when she told me about her progress. So now I’m trying to stay on track!
Briana and Hudson:
Every now and again I get a reminder that my little kiddos will not be little kiddos forever. This weekend we changed their car seats and their beds! Hudson is now old enough to sit in the big kid car seat like Briana, and she is now old enough to only have the booster seat. On top of that we moved Briana’s toddler bed into Hudson’s room and are going to turn Hudson crib into a twin sized bed (it converts) for Briana. In one day, my kids outgrew their seats and their beds. This is a terrible thing. To get over it, I have to remind myself of the following: Hudson still loves to hug and squish my face against his; Briana still lets me hold her hand and tuck her in at night; Hudson still cries, “Mommy,” and runs to me (arms wide open) when he is sad; and Briana still wants to cuddle when she is sick. I think these things will still be true for awhile to come. The hardest thing about being a mother is to knowing everyday your children will depend on you a little less, until one day…you have to depend on them.
Painting:
My house is starting to look like a home. If you didn’t know, nothing was painted when we bought it. It looked the way an apartment looks with off white, bare walls. But throughout the months we have been making progress: a bathroom here, a closet there. This past four day weekend we (by we I mean Charles) made a huge leap as far as painting goes. We finished the kitchen and the living room. Though I have to give him most of the credit for labor, I always pick out the color. And if I may say so myself, I have done a fabulous job thus far. Now we only have to choose the perfect color for our bedroom and master bath, finish the hallway, and finish some closets. I will update with pictures soon.
School and Work:
Since I haven’t been blogging…I have been thinking, thinking, and thinking some more. Recently my husband made me aware that if I wanted to go back to school so badly…then I should just do it. He said it would be difficult but that we would work together to make it happen. We would have to sell our home and cut back some debt, but it was a real possibility. I was simply giddy that he was open to this. But now that he was open to it, I had to decide if I myself truly wanted to do it. I researched universities, degree programs, admission requirements, and career choices. I figured out all the steps of making a decision like this happen. I pondered current expenses that I could eliminate. I opened myself up to the possibility of failure. I reminded myself of school stressors and asked myself if I could handle it all again…and for much longer this time around. I asked myself if I wanted to give up my current career path, my home, my income. I told myself that I could do it. I told myself that I was capable and that the reward would be great. And finally…I made a decision: No. I will not go back to school.
I made this decision because I think overall…I’m just starting to get antsy again. I’m looking for change. I’m looking for a quick fix. I don’t want to be that person all of the time. I picked my degree for a reason. Maybe someday I’ll find a career those better suits me or maybe I will love the underwriting program that I still plan on trying in the summer. Even better….maybe I’ll win the lottery. Above everything, I am a mother. I am a wife, and I’m a homeowner. My job is something that I do, and it doesn’t define me as a person. It’s what I do to so that my kids have all the stuff that kids need. It’s one of very few complaints in my life… and to me, that’s pretty awesome. So here I remain…feeling a little better to know that I have choices.
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