Grad School

I would like to preface the below survival guide by saying there are many professors who are great teachers and leaders. I have had only had a few between college and grad school but they are the reasons I hold hope. Unfortunately, my experience has just mostly consisted of snobby professors who spend more time pushing students down than helping them up.

In the end, I have realized that school is just like the rest of life, where you must adapt your behavior to fit the agenda of someone else in order to achieve what you want. To be blunt, you literally have to bullshit your way through. And don't spend your time feeling so much shame about it because everyone else is doing the same thing.

If you are strong enough to fight it, then by all means do. I stop every now and then to get a good jab in, but it is no easy task.

I feel fortunate to have a group of grad friends to help me survive. If not, I would have quit out of fear of going insane.

This is what I have learned:

How to Survive Online Grad School

1.       Do NOT turn things in early. You will probably get a better grade if the professor grades it at the last second.

2.       Do NOT expect your professors to have more common sense than you. Most of them don’t. Most of them are ass-hats.

3.       Do NOT actually take the time to read required material. You are better off blindly responding and it takes less time for the same or maybe a better grade.

4.       Take a lot of medication, or drink a lot of wine, or both. Unless you get pregnant, at which time you should just freak your professors out by using words such as “titties” in relation to breastfeeding so that they will avoid any extra interaction with you.

5.       Make fun of undergrads. It’s easy to do and helps with coping.

6.       Distract other classmates with your cat, dog, or adorable baby so that you’re not the only one who’s not listening. As an extra bonus, it will sometimes irk the professor.

7.       Find a great group of friends who will do all of this with you and chat on Facebook behind everyone’s back.