Monday, January 16, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Hello 2012.
One of my last posts was about a new me in 2012. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know how I have changed…but I have. I started exercising again, along with making better food choices…and let me tell you…it works. It’s not just good for your body it’s good for your soul and THAT’S why I keep doing it. My confidence is higher and my mind is clearer. The numbers on the scale, as I’ve said before, are not your biggest success. The way you feel, the way you carry yourself, the way you gain control over your life is what it’s all about. However, seeing those numbers go down is thrilling. When I started this process I was a steady 198. Yesterday…at my WW meeting I weighed in at 181.2. Can you believe that? Nearly 17 lbs! It helps me to remember that I CAN do it, I am STRONG enough, I have POWER. I think of this process the same way I thought about school. I didn’t want to take another test or go to another class. All I wanted to do was graduate. But those classes and those tests are what prepared me for graduation. The day would go by whether or not I went to class and the day will go by whether or not I exercise. So why not do something to improve myself? Why not make the most of it? So I kept going to class, I kept taking tests and then I graduated. If I keep exercising, if I keep eating right then I will graduate. I will reach my goal. Plus...buying smaller pants is so much fun! Even my new smaller pants are starting to feel big.
So today I just wanted to share that I feel good. 2012 has started off well. I’m looking forward to a good year.
So today I just wanted to share that I feel good. 2012 has started off well. I’m looking forward to a good year.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
January 5th, 2010
Two years ago today at 5am after hours of pain and a near epidural crisis my little man, Hudson Lee Rainsbarger, found his way into the world: all 9lbs and 10ozs of him. I remember that day and Briana’s birth day just like it happened yesterday. Here is what I have to give back to you from my experience:
1.) If you are experiencing any contractions, even light, go to the doctor. Do not take medication (approved by the doctor), go back to sleep and hope it’s over when you wake up. If you do this it is possible you will wake up 2 hours later with heavy contractions and make it to the hospital when you’re 7cm dilated (birth occurs at 10cm) and nearly miss your chance for an epidural.
2.) When you are having said contractions, do not tell your husband he has enough time to take a shower. I don’t know if it’s worse that I let him or that he asked.
3.) If you are a nurse and dealing with a mother in labor do not tell her she can not have an epidural when she wants one unless it is the necessary time to do so. To this day I think it was the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me and I reacted accordingly. I hope the nurse can forgive me.
4.) As the mother in labor, do not accept that you can not have an epidural unless baby’s head is on its way out. I didn’t and received an epidural at 9cm which allowed my labor to slow down until I was comfortable enough to give birth. In my experience, epidurals enhance your awareness of the process. You can focus on baby and not on pain.
5.) As a supporter for the mother in labor it is best to do as she says and realize that she is not angry at you no matter how harsh she sounds. She is in pain and cares about nothing but getting through the pain. You might be married to a quiet, shy and sweet woman but when in labor that woman is gone. Be prepared for a few hours of a new wife.
So that was Hudson’s birthday in a shell. Even though writing it this way makes the experience sound a little terrible, it was quite opposite. It was one of the most emotional and wonderful days of my life. I will always remember it and would relive it in half a baby’s heartbeat.
1.) If you are experiencing any contractions, even light, go to the doctor. Do not take medication (approved by the doctor), go back to sleep and hope it’s over when you wake up. If you do this it is possible you will wake up 2 hours later with heavy contractions and make it to the hospital when you’re 7cm dilated (birth occurs at 10cm) and nearly miss your chance for an epidural.
2.) When you are having said contractions, do not tell your husband he has enough time to take a shower. I don’t know if it’s worse that I let him or that he asked.
3.) If you are a nurse and dealing with a mother in labor do not tell her she can not have an epidural when she wants one unless it is the necessary time to do so. To this day I think it was the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me and I reacted accordingly. I hope the nurse can forgive me.
4.) As the mother in labor, do not accept that you can not have an epidural unless baby’s head is on its way out. I didn’t and received an epidural at 9cm which allowed my labor to slow down until I was comfortable enough to give birth. In my experience, epidurals enhance your awareness of the process. You can focus on baby and not on pain.
5.) As a supporter for the mother in labor it is best to do as she says and realize that she is not angry at you no matter how harsh she sounds. She is in pain and cares about nothing but getting through the pain. You might be married to a quiet, shy and sweet woman but when in labor that woman is gone. Be prepared for a few hours of a new wife.
So that was Hudson’s birthday in a shell. Even though writing it this way makes the experience sound a little terrible, it was quite opposite. It was one of the most emotional and wonderful days of my life. I will always remember it and would relive it in half a baby’s heartbeat.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2012: I Can Do It
In the spirit of saying I Can Do It (see previous blog post) here are a few things I’d like to focus on this year:
Me- I’m important and I should always be working on myself…whatever that means.
Motherhood- I want to be a more patient and aware mother.
Friendship- I want to be a better listener, I want to be more honest…but more kind
Try It- If I decide I WANT to do something in life then I don’t want to be the force that holds me back. I want to try try try.
Career- If all I accomplish this year is a direction, a path…then that’s enough for me. It has been such a struggle.
Also I’ve decided that it’s less important to set a time frame for your concrete goals than it is to just keep working at them. If you keep working then you are guaranteed to get there but if you set a time frame and fail to meet that expectation it only discourages you from pushing harder. My advice to you and to myself this year is to set mini goals. Focus less on goals that are a million miles away and more on what’s right in front of you…what’s reachable.
Most of all I say be good to yourself. Don’t listen to the people who hurt you. If you’re doing something positive with your life and you have a person finding a way to put you down or say negative and hurtful things about it then that is not a reflection of you, that is a reflection of their own self worth, their own self loathing. If everyone loved themselves, all would be right in the world.
Me- I’m important and I should always be working on myself…whatever that means.
Motherhood- I want to be a more patient and aware mother.
Friendship- I want to be a better listener, I want to be more honest…but more kind
Try It- If I decide I WANT to do something in life then I don’t want to be the force that holds me back. I want to try try try.
Career- If all I accomplish this year is a direction, a path…then that’s enough for me. It has been such a struggle.
Also I’ve decided that it’s less important to set a time frame for your concrete goals than it is to just keep working at them. If you keep working then you are guaranteed to get there but if you set a time frame and fail to meet that expectation it only discourages you from pushing harder. My advice to you and to myself this year is to set mini goals. Focus less on goals that are a million miles away and more on what’s right in front of you…what’s reachable.
Most of all I say be good to yourself. Don’t listen to the people who hurt you. If you’re doing something positive with your life and you have a person finding a way to put you down or say negative and hurtful things about it then that is not a reflection of you, that is a reflection of their own self worth, their own self loathing. If everyone loved themselves, all would be right in the world.
I Feel New
Something about starting 2012 didn’t sit well with me in December. The New Year is all about making changes and resolutions and beginnings. But I knew that if I put that pressure on myself, if I made a promise to myself I would let myself down; I would fail. As they say, the past is your best prediction of the future.
I was flipping through channels when I came across Joel Osteen. Just as a quick side note-I can’t stand watching him preach…it makes me queasy. But before I changed the channel he said something that struck me: “We can’t always help having negative thoughts about ourselves, but don’t you dare speak them; don’t you dare bring life to those thoughts. If you do, then they are real. If you do then they are the truth.”
Wow. How often do I say things like…I can’t do it; I’m not smart enough; I’m not fast enough; I’m not social enough? I think these things all the time but I often speak them too. And he’s right. If we think them and then say them then we are giving life to them. They become true. They become the vision of ourselves. If I say I’m not smart enough then I will only act in life as though I am not smart enough.
So what happens if we change what we speak? I will probably always feel at least a little insecure. It will always occur to me that I can’t do something; that I can’t be the best me; that I’m not strong enough. But if I say out loud that I can do it, if I tell other people that I am strong enough, if I speak about my successes instead of my failures then maybe I can start to make my mind believe it to. Maybe my speech will influence my actions and my thoughts won’t be true anymore.
I feel like someone just put the spotlight on me. I feel like someone just peeled my eyes open.
I was flipping through channels when I came across Joel Osteen. Just as a quick side note-I can’t stand watching him preach…it makes me queasy. But before I changed the channel he said something that struck me: “We can’t always help having negative thoughts about ourselves, but don’t you dare speak them; don’t you dare bring life to those thoughts. If you do, then they are real. If you do then they are the truth.”
Wow. How often do I say things like…I can’t do it; I’m not smart enough; I’m not fast enough; I’m not social enough? I think these things all the time but I often speak them too. And he’s right. If we think them and then say them then we are giving life to them. They become true. They become the vision of ourselves. If I say I’m not smart enough then I will only act in life as though I am not smart enough.
So what happens if we change what we speak? I will probably always feel at least a little insecure. It will always occur to me that I can’t do something; that I can’t be the best me; that I’m not strong enough. But if I say out loud that I can do it, if I tell other people that I am strong enough, if I speak about my successes instead of my failures then maybe I can start to make my mind believe it to. Maybe my speech will influence my actions and my thoughts won’t be true anymore.
I feel like someone just put the spotlight on me. I feel like someone just peeled my eyes open.
Monday, December 19, 2011
You Are So Blessed
The mall walking lady to me and Charles (with her hand on her heart) after seeing Briana and Hudson holding hands while walking together after their fun Christmas train ride at Metro North: “Oh my gosh, you are so blessed.”
Yes, yes we are. Thank you for reminding me.
Yes, yes we are. Thank you for reminding me.
Friday, December 16, 2011
A Reflection of 2011
I started off writing this post by trying to think of all the big things that happened to me in 2011. But my list seemed less significant than it was last year. In 2010 I had a baby, I bought a home and I changed jobs. Life was good and stressful.
This year I’ve achieved my first full year at my new job, which is good, but I have to say I’m still unsure about my career path. I’m still looking, still listening and still hoping for a spark. Hudson turned one and Briana turned four, which may be not as significant to others but to me it meant that my little boy wasn’t a baby anymore, and my little girl is nearly school age.
Other than that life has been mostly normal. Charles is his same old good daddy and hard working self and I’m the same old content yet unsatisfied with my direction in life kind of girl. So for this I am thankful. I am thankful that things have been mostly smooth and low key. I’m thankful we are both able to support our family. I’m thankful we still have each other and our health. I have a tendency to want to shake things up when they get a little slow, but when things are smooth it just means you’ve achieved what you’ve worked hard for.
The world is big scary place. But if I have my family to come home to, it’s all okay. Here's to another year.
This year I’ve achieved my first full year at my new job, which is good, but I have to say I’m still unsure about my career path. I’m still looking, still listening and still hoping for a spark. Hudson turned one and Briana turned four, which may be not as significant to others but to me it meant that my little boy wasn’t a baby anymore, and my little girl is nearly school age.
Other than that life has been mostly normal. Charles is his same old good daddy and hard working self and I’m the same old content yet unsatisfied with my direction in life kind of girl. So for this I am thankful. I am thankful that things have been mostly smooth and low key. I’m thankful we are both able to support our family. I’m thankful we still have each other and our health. I have a tendency to want to shake things up when they get a little slow, but when things are smooth it just means you’ve achieved what you’ve worked hard for.
The world is big scary place. But if I have my family to come home to, it’s all okay. Here's to another year.
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