Still Learning to be a Mom

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I forgot to remember that four year olds are nearly the most unpredictable creatures on this planet.


Sunday was the day of Briana’s dance recital. I was ready. All of Charles’s family came, the DVD and pictures were ordered, the tickets were bought, the video camera was ready. She did so well at the dress rehearsal on Friday that I didn’t even think twice about how she would act once we got there. You can see where I’m going with this. Dramatic and sad story short, Briana did not go on stage.

 I am ashamed to say that I tried everything. For 20 minutes I bribed her with candy, toys, swimming, and going places I had no intention of taking her…because I knew I would reward her in some way once she was done. Then I threatened her with naps and time out and no swimming lessons. I literally had no idea what to do. I was so desperate to get her on stage, not only for my sake but for the sake of her teachers and everyone who worked so hard to put on this show. Still hoping there was a chance (but knowing it wouldn’t happen) I walked with her all the way to backstage, where moms normally aren’t allowed. I had to quiet Briana down several times because every time I asked her to go she would just squeeze me tighter and cry. The audience heard everything. Teachers delayed putting on her section of the show for three or so minutes hoping we could convince her to go or join even in the middle of the performance. Finally I just broke down and left. And by broke down, I mean me and Briana both ran to the girls bathroom, where we cried and cried.


It was actually pretty humiliating to leave the back stage that way, in front of all the other girls. Also, I’m not one of those moms that make a huge deal out of nothing.  And I’m not a mom who puts pressure on her kids to do something they don’t want to do. I felt ashamed for the way I had tried to get her on stage and I felt like I handled it all wrong...while at the same time having no idea how else to handle it. I was so excited to see her and so proud that it turned into a huge disappointment. And even though I felt angry and I wanted to be angry at her I knew it wasn’t her fault because she doesn’t understand what it means when other people are disappointed. I didn’t know how to handle the situation and I didn’t know what to say to her. I also didn’t know if it was appropriate for me to cry with her but I just couldn’t hold it in. 


Briana and I walked to the front of the building to wait for the rest of the family to meet us. Knowing that I still didn’t know the right thing to say to her I mostly just kept quiet and told her that “It’s not your fault but mommy is sad that you didn’t dance.”…to which Briana replied... “I’m sorry, mommy.” If you know me, you know I’m not a drama queen and I prefer to stay away from people who are. I can’t explain what came over me, other then a feeling of failure. But I’m not a failure; I’m just growing up along-side my kids. I’m so proud of her for dancing all year and on the bright side she did a great job at dress rehearsal. The whole thing was just an overly emotional dramatic experience that had nothing to do with my pretty little girl and everything to do with my learning experience as a mom.


The only advice I have for other young mothers is that you should EXPECT to fail sometimes…even in your most important jobs. Also, just go with the flow. I could have planned a little better and maybe it wouldn’t have happened but  I should have just said, “If you don’t want to go on stage…then you don’t have to go on stage. We’ll do better next time.”  I love my little stinker.