Evolving Self

Remember when you were little and the big people of the world looked down at you and said, "What do you want to be when you grow up?” And then you would answer without any doubt exactly what you were going to do. For me it was a marine biologist. I loved to swim and I loved animals and I wanted to be far away from home. As I got older I figured it would be more practical to go to school in town. MWSU, of course, doesn't have a program for Marine Biologists...so out went that dream. Isn't it always like that? We make decisions because of what's practical, or affordable, or reasonable and they're not always decisions that we make with passion. Well if you ask me today what I want to be when I grow up I will tell you, "I don't have a damn clue."

What I do know is that I'm working in a place now that I don't love. I don't hate it either. It's a great grown up job. I set my own hours, I have 4 weeks of vacation a year, and everyone is really nice. There's possibility for advancement, my boss is super nice and the work isn't too hard. Some grown-ups pray for my kind of job. I guess I'm not a grown up.

I have a lot of passion in the middle of my soul to do something that fills me up everyday. I love my kiddos but any parent will tell you it's not enough. I have a huge sense of self duty. I want to help people. I want to do something important for the community. I want to LOVE what I do and do what I LOVE. It's a curse some days. Sometimes I get enough motivation to actually start something, like my non-profit, The Hope Chest, but my ideas fail because I don't have enough support...whether financially or physically. I keep coming to the realization that my motivation and will aren't enough in this world. You have to have money and time and you have to somehow create them yourself despite the obstacles. I love my children but they create a barrier in life. I am limited to what I do because of them, at least for a certain amount of time. But I can’t keep using them as an excuse when there are so many women out there doing it all. I just don’t want to sacrifice my time with my kids. It doesn’t seem worth it.

My current thinking evolves around getting my own business started. I have a GREAT business idea. I know everyone says that but my idea is something that the community needs and does not have. It's something that has no current competition. I think there is a great potential for growth and I think parents will be immediately drawn to it. I am not getting too excited; I'm merely exploring the idea by attending a New Business seminar in Saint Joseph next month. I will let you know how that goes.

Until that update just remember that your biggest obstacle in life is 100% ALWAYS yourself. If you hear a voice in your head say, "I can't do this," (I don’t know about you, but I hear it A LOT) slap yourself and say out loud..."No. Maybe I CAN do this."