Try, Try, Try Again

Let me just say this for anyone who has no idea what it feels like to be over-weight: It sucks. It sucks the way getting socks on Christmas sucks...if Christmas happened everyday. It's like constantly having a huge white zit in the middle of your forehead that you can't pop and everybody is staring at it. Except when you're over- weight ... it's your whole body they're staring at.

I know it seems like I'm exxaggerating, and I am a little because I'm not like super obese ...I'm just a chunky girl. I'm okay with saying that. I'm okay with being that. But according to the world...either you're thin or your not. For example: I went to see my sister at her work McDonalds in St. Louis last weekend. I walked up to the counter to ask for her.

Me: Can you tell Katie her sister is here to see her?
Girl at the counter: Which Katie?
Me: Katie Weiser.
Girl at the counter: Ummm....Skinny Katie?
Me. Yeah I guess.
My Friend Mike to me: Well I'd sure hate to be the Fat Katie.

I'm sure we are all guilty of this type of description, and be it an accurate description it still seems odd to me that we resort to this kind of adjective when describing a person in the company of 20 other people. And being the self conscience person that I am I have to ask myself, what adjectives do people use to describe me? Of course it shouldn't matter. We have to learn to be okay with ourselves. If your fat, or thin, or have acne, or wide hips, whatever it is...we are all uncomfortable with a part of ourselves. But I am growing increasingly uncomfortable with my chunkyness. Like I said...it sucks.

This is a little personal...but I don't care...I got an IUD in December last year so that I could stop taking the pill. And yesterday I went back to the doctor to remove the IUD and get back on the pill. Long story short, the pill I was taking really helped to control my acne breakouts and apparently my appetite. I learned that I have gained 7 lbs since I had the IUD put in...and stopped the pill.

Doctor: So you think you're gaining weight because of the IUD?
Me: Yeah and my skin is really bothering me more than usual.
Doctor. Right. Well you never know with these things. It can affect all women in a different way.
Me: Right.
Doctor: I'm not saying that your weight gain doesn't have to do in part with the IUD but you're at a period in your life now where...
Me (with my hand in the air trying to stop her from explaining what I already knew she was going to say): Oh no no. I'm not blaming it ALL on the IUD. I really think it is just making it easier for me to eat more. I have a bigger appetite.
Doctor: Good frame of mind.

So there you have it. This blog started out as a tool to help me in my journey to lose weight and I have gained 7 lbs. FAIL. But like i've said before...I knew it could happen and it isn't over until I give up. It seems crazy sometimes when I look at it. Some women need to loose a hundred or two hundred lbs to be healthy. That is a huge number of lbs that I can't IMAGINE trying to get rid of. I only need to lose about 50 to be healthy...and pretty dang cute. I could accomplish that kind of number in 6 months...if I could just get over myself. It really seems like such a small thing but it feels SO hard. My relationship with food is a whole other blog post.

I guess it's one tiny step at a time. Today I did really well for breakfast and lunch...so bring on the dinner.