26

How old is old enough to say, "you're still so young!" -Meaning, they're young but you're not. It's something you get told a lot when you're young. But how old are you when you're not young anymore? The answer, my friends, is 26. How do I know? Because I caught myself saying it today. I caught myself telling a student how young they were and it reminded me of when adults said it to me. So that means I'm an adult. I'm an adult who isn't carded anymore and who is almost 27 and who tells young people how young they are. I just thought I would share this revelation with you.  

Pebble in my Nose

Hudson has issues sleeping-a post on that later. A few days ago while he was at school he stuck a pebble up his nose. What does that have to do with sleeping, you say? Well, it scared him and he was upset that I wasn't there to comfort him. Now he is afraid to return to school because, "What if I put a pebble up my nose?" I didn't hear about it at all until tonight after he's been in bed for about twenty minutes and had time to reflect on it. 

"You don't have to put it in your nose," I say. "You won't do it again."

But still, he's laying in bed worried that he might do something traumatizing and I won't be there to fix it. He's 4 and he's doing what I do at night: thinking about what might go wrong tomorrow. 

I don't think it's just my kid. I think we think our kids don't reflect, don't have the ability to be scared of the future. But now I see they can and they do. So try not to minimallize your kid's fears. Recognize the feelings they have about their pebbles as if they were the same as how you feel after a terrible day at work. 

Oh I love my Hudson! 

Oh YEAH

Please excuse Normal Ashley for a moment while Crazy Ashley interjects:

OH MY HOLY FREAKING GOSH I GOT A 5 ON MY WRITING TEST! DO A HAPPY DANCE! DO A HAPPY DANCE!

Normal Ashley is back. I know I just worry but I really wasn't sure if I would pass. It's graded very weirdly and it's not like some really smart people are grading it. These dudes/gals are trained like monkeys to look for a specific formal or key parts. People have failed because the essay was too good and didn't stick to the format or because they used too much fluff or big fancy words. It's graded 1-6 (6 being best), you need 4 to pass, and I've heard 6 is nearly impossible. I kept saying PLEASE GET A 4! PLEASE GET A 4!

I'm really just relieved and feel lucky that I made it through the first half of this process. Now I can really focus on studying and passing this last test. If I thought waiting for the writing score this time was hard...I'm probably going to lose my mind on the last one.

Still haven't heard from SJSD. They should have rejected me by now.

Happy FRIDAY!

Thursday Night Fun

Had fun tonight blowing bubbles, riding bikes, and enjoying the weather!

Yesterday and Today

A few things can be noted about yesterday and today.

Yesterday was awesome for three reasons: (1) it was freaking beautiful; (2) I found out I have a certain benefit for working in my daughter's school district and don't have to pay for before and after school care for the rest of the year (woo-hoo!); (3) a friend who I haven't talked to in awhile messaged me.

Today is pretty awesome too. Again, it's freaking beautiful. The kids have swim lessons today and it's so fun to watch them. I feel a little bad that neither kid can swim or ride a bike. Do you know how I learned to swim? I jumped off a boat into the lake. I guess I just knew I could. And you know how I learned to ride a bike? I went to the very top of a down hill, concrete drive way and just rode. I never owned a helmet. I think my kids are sheltered, but that's how I like them. Also, today is good because I'm subbing for high school (not always a good thing) and everyone is on a field trip so I only have to monitor a few students and I'm getting a ton of studying done. I'm pretty embarrassed about how rusty I am in grammar. Don't judge me for my blog posts and Facebook statuses because I don't pay as much attention, but it's nice to refresh on the many ways to use and not to use a comma. I always thought I at least would always understand and remember nouns. A noun is just a person, place, or thing...right? WRONG. It can also be an abstraction or idea. Yup. Never heard that one in all my years of school. It really doesn't matter how much I refresh. I will always think in my mind there is probably something wrong with every sentence I type/write.

There are a couple things on my mind that could make the next few days not as awesome. First, I'm waiting to see how I scored on the writing section of my first test. I passed the multiple choice but it takes longer to grade the essay and if I failed I have to retake the entire thing! I'm also waiting to find out if I did or didn't get the teaching position with SJSD. Call me insecure, but I'm kind of thinking I didn't. There are only 2 positions, I'm not certified yet, and I probably awkwardly fumbled at least two answers in the interview. But you never know; maybe I rocked what I did know. I'm hoping I get a big fat YES on at least one of the issues above because it will help me survive the NO of the other. The only thing worse would be the return of winter. That would crush my soul.

Happy Taco Tuesday! I recommend eating a Taco to make your day awesome; preferably from Taco Bell.

And I'm outty.

For Uncle Bill

My family lost a great man this week, greater than I ever really knew. Uncle Bill is the husband of my grandma's twin sister (both my grandma and her sister married very talented artists). He is my mom's uncle, my great uncle but I always thought of him as a grandpa-the only grandpa I ever really knew. He raised an amazing family and was an important part of St. Joseph history-a very talented man.

As we get older it seems death occurs more and more often and closer to home. It's a sad, confusing chain of thoughts. But I think we are not really grieving those who are gone. We are grieving ourselves. We are grieving what our life will be missing because that person isn't a part of it anymore.

We all know that we're going to die and that everyone around us is going to die. But I don't think we ever totally grasp that today could be our last day or the last day we'll ever see a loved one alive. Death is always sudden, even when expected. Death always leaves you wishing you had one more hug, one more chance to say, I love you. Death is hard and dark, but only for those of us who are left behind. So whenever there is a death I try to take comfort in the fact that even though I am sad and feeling lost they are not. Their spirit is free and happy.

I miss you Uncle Bill. And I do wish I could hug you just one more time. 

Obituary

**If you're ever curious just how talented Uncle Bill was, take a look at the amazing paintings in the conference room at the Remington Nature Center in St. Joseph. When no one is in there I like to go in and admire them**

Merry Late Christmas

Here are some Christmas pictures because I feel like it. :)

 And here's one because my cat is really cute.