Hudson Ate

Hudson is finally making progress with eating. Yesterday I cut up some spaghetti noodles with sauce and he ate them.  Hallelujah.

I spent the day yesterday driving a nurse at a Heartland clinic crazy because the ENT appointments she was making me were not soon enough. "Can you check this hospital" I'd say. "How about this one?...Really, May 9th!? April 28th? That's not going to work. He's not eating!"

So we finally found a place to take him TODAY. But since he's eating a little better I feel much better and his tonsils must be feeling better. Another plus, he's sleeping really well. I am, however, convinced it's because of his lack of eating and therefore decrease of energy. So the no sleeping may come back but I will take that over no eating any day! 

Sometimes I think I will never ever see the light at the end of the tunnel, and then I do; I always do.

Hudson Won't...

Remember my post about Hudson won't sleep? Now it's Hudson won't eat. This child is going to make me jump on the crazy train.

I'll keep it short but I think the issue is that his tonsils are swollen. He doesn't have strep or a fever or anything else but the feeling of his tonsils rubbing together has made him scared to choke. So even though my little man is hungry he will not touch solid food, and has not touched it since early last week.

The doctor has recommended taking the tonsils out. So for now it's ice-cream, oatmeal, and yogurt until we can convince him it's okay to eat real food. Doctors always act like this stuff is no big deal but how long can you let something like this go on before he gets ill? I'm so relieved he at least likes to drink PediaSure or I wouldn't know what to do.

Be thankful for the little things in life, my friends.

Fun Day at Crown Center

Poor Teenagers

I couldn't wait to get out of high school. "You'll miss it," they said. "These are the best years of your life," they said. HUMPH! Good lord. If those were the best years of my life I would have been in a deep and dark down hill slide for the rest of it.

Subbing in high school reminds me even more how much I do not miss it. I'm sitting here now,  watching them: the teenagers. They are strange creatures. I used to be that strange creature and I don't miss it one bit. When I first started subbing I was terrified to sub in high school. Teenagers are cruel, snotty, judgmental, unpredictable beasts. How would I handle them? Will they respect me? Will they like me? But I have realized all teenagers have something in common; they're all insecure. They are the most insecure human beings on the planet. Insecurity is something I understand and I also understand they don't know who I am. To them, I am a teacher. I am in charge. I am smart and trying to ruin their social lives with class work. If I pretend to be assertive and in control then they will believe me. They don't know any better because they are so worried about what their friends think that nothing else matters. It's kind of like being in a play.

Of course not all teenagers are created equal. In fact, they are all really different and most of them are trying super hard to hide it. I recognize the same groups of kids from when I was in school: the pretty and chatty girls; the girls who are head of the pact and have an attitude; the nerdy, spotty faced boys; the quiet ones; the jocks; the teacher's pets; the emos; the know-it-alls, etc.

Luckily, nearly all of them respect us adults. But there is the dreaded teenager; the troubled, angry soul who hates you for no good reason. Every once in awhile that kid is in my class. They interrupt me when I talk, decline to work, challenge what I say, and other more disrespectful, disruptive behavior.  There isn't a lot, as a sub, you can do to help this kid. Instead of being angry I try to remember there is an underlying reason for the behavior and I feel sad for that.

So, again, I don't miss high school. I think a lot of people don't and I think it's because life gets so much better after. We come into ourselves. We figure out who we are, what we want, and what matters.Even the really smart and mature teenagers are out of their minds, worried over something.

Poor teenagers. Sucks to be them.

Hudson isn't Sleepy

My Hudson won't sleep. I don't think it's good for a four year old to be as anxious and un-sleepy as Hudson is.

Last night, for example, was worse than usual. He didn't want to go to sleep-which normally isn't much of an issue- and kept making excuses. He had to pee, and put on chap stick, and turn on the lamp etc. Then he was up 2-3 times in the middle of the night telling me he couldn't sleep. It's cute for awhile but when you've been dealing with these sleep issues since December, it's not cute anymore.

On normal nights he will go to sleep fine. I put him to bed and Charles and I will watch one of our shows. Lately I've realized he's gotten used to the sound of our TV because he's very concerned about what's going on if he can't hear it. Last night we were reading with Briana and practicing spelling words and he was very upset that he couldn't hear the noise. For months I refused to let him watch TV (because I thought that's why he wanted it on) in his room at night, and he doesn't watch much during the day anyway, but I realized there is something about the noise that helps him go back to sleep. Around 2 or 3 in the morning, every morning, he would sneak out of his room, find the remote we hid, turn on his TV and go back to sleep. We've hid it well enough he can't find it but those nights are the worst. He will come up and down stairs with one excuse after the other about how he can't sleep.

I am a consistent mother. I don't let him sleep with me and I don't sleep with him. I usually don't even put him back to bed when he gets up anymore- I make him go back on his own. We have bedtime routines that are the same every single night. He takes a bath, drinks milk, and goes to bed at the same time. I know now that something about the noise of the TV helps him to go back to sleep but I'm still concerned that he keeps waking up at all. I don't understand why he wakes up so early every single morning. I gave in the last few weeks and let him keep the remote in his room so he can turn it on when he wakes up. It kind of worked for awhile. I knew he woke up because I would find him in bed asleep with the TV on in the morning but at least he didn't come downstairs and wake me up too. But after last night it didn't even matter that he could turn on the TV because he came to our room twice. On top of everything it was storming, so I gave in and slept on his floor. He sleeps really well when I'm with him.

I know some moms would say it's a bad idea to have a TV in the room at all, but he really only watches it once a week when he wants to watch a movie. TV time is not an issue with us. Hudson likes to play and be active-not sit still and stare at screens. It's only an issue at night and it's not like there are any cartoons on at 3 in the morning. He's doing it for the comfort of the noise. I think I'm going to try a radio or something to see if it will help but I think it's also an anxiety issue. When he gets fixated on something it takes a long time to let it ago. I'm still hearing about the pebble in his nose. Since the pebble incident he's been distressed when I leave him at school. He cries when I leave and he asks all day when I'm coming back. -I would like to interject here and say that I have no concerns what-so-ever about the care I leave him in. I truely believe he is just very sensitive and is having anxiety issues.

I'm really tired and what I've just written is probably not as coherent as it could be. I'm just trying to think of ways to help my anxious child. Me and Briana understand sleep is good. You should sleep as long as the world will let you.

26

How old is old enough to say, "you're still so young!" -Meaning, they're young but you're not. It's something you get told a lot when you're young. But how old are you when you're not young anymore? The answer, my friends, is 26. How do I know? Because I caught myself saying it today. I caught myself telling a student how young they were and it reminded me of when adults said it to me. So that means I'm an adult. I'm an adult who isn't carded anymore and who is almost 27 and who tells young people how young they are. I just thought I would share this revelation with you.  

Pebble in my Nose

Hudson has issues sleeping-a post on that later. A few days ago while he was at school he stuck a pebble up his nose. What does that have to do with sleeping, you say? Well, it scared him and he was upset that I wasn't there to comfort him. Now he is afraid to return to school because, "What if I put a pebble up my nose?" I didn't hear about it at all until tonight after he's been in bed for about twenty minutes and had time to reflect on it. 

"You don't have to put it in your nose," I say. "You won't do it again."

But still, he's laying in bed worried that he might do something traumatizing and I won't be there to fix it. He's 4 and he's doing what I do at night: thinking about what might go wrong tomorrow. 

I don't think it's just my kid. I think we think our kids don't reflect, don't have the ability to be scared of the future. But now I see they can and they do. So try not to minimallize your kid's fears. Recognize the feelings they have about their pebbles as if they were the same as how you feel after a terrible day at work. 

Oh I love my Hudson!