In a little over a month, Charles and I will have been married for 5 years. We have been together for over 7. In all honesty…relationships are hard. Marriage is even harder. I’d be a liar if I told you I never doubted our relationship. I’d be a liar if I told you I have never been so angry with him that I thought about leaving a time or two. But in those times of doubt, in those times of hurt and anger, I always found peace because I knew the answers to the following questions:
1.) Does he love me? Oh yes…oh yes he does. I’ve never once believed that there was even a possibility that he didn’t or that he is less in love with me today than he was when we first met. Men are less emotional than woman. They are usually more practical and straightforward. It’s a hard lesson for woman to learn, but even if he doesn’t say it or show it at times…it doesn’t mean it isn’t so. They need a little push. They need to learn to communicate in a more open way, much in the way we women need to learn to stop being so overly dramatic about life. If you are around each other long enough, you will rub off on each other and things eventually even out. We teach them…and they teach us. But I think it’s mostly the first.
2.) Would he ever be unfaithful, or hurt me in any way? Not in a million years. Not in bajillion, or zillion years. I have such a faith in my husband in this way. You might think that other women have felt this way… and then BOOM! They find an old girlfriends number in his pants pocket, or he got angry one night and shoved her. You might think that they never saw it coming…that they had the same faith in their own husband. But I think you are wrong. I think she never truly had that kind of faith at all. There are always little hints, little signs of person’s true intentions. And if you love a man, you know. A woman’s intuition doesn’t lie. Trust your instincts, and it will save you a lot of heartache. If he does it once, he will do it twice…and then a third time. Don’t be a victim. My husband is faithful in everything he is and everything he does and I believe with everything I am that I can always depend on that. I wouldn’t expect anything less, and I wouldn’t accept anything less.
3.) Is he a good father? The best. First of all, he is here. He is a good husband who respects his wife and is at home with his children. So many fathers today are not. As much as we love each other…the children are first. He works for them. He wants them to have a nice home, a good school district, a place to grow up free and happy. He wants a good education for them, he wants them to have more choices than we did. He wants them to feel loved and safe. He wants everything that I want for them and he’s doing the work to make it happen. Like he always says, “There are two kinds of people in this world, Do-ers, and Don’t Do-ers.” To say the least, he is a Do-er. People are right to say that actions are stronger than words, which is why I forgive him for not having many.
I am a 24 year old woman and I am so thankful for all that I have been able to accomplish with him so far. I met Charles when I was 17, when I wasn’t mature, when I didn’t know what I wanted or who I was. I can’t believe how lucky I am that he turned out to be a great life mate, a great husband, a great father. I’m thankful that we are able to laugh together. I am thankful that we are able to argue and then forgive. He is the only man I have ever been able to depend on, and the only person who I’m comfortable enough with to be my 100%, uncensored, imperfect, messy, emotional self. I will always be his.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Update on Me
I haven’t blogged in awhile. I don’t know if it’s been a case of writer’s block or writer’s laziness, but here is what has been up with me:
Walking with Aryn:
Aryn and I have continued to go on our weekly walks. We switch every week. One week she comes to my house, the next I go to hers. This week was killer. I’m pretty sure we fast walked about 4 ½ very hilly miles. I feel it all over today. She has been doing well for a few weeks now. I’m starting to take it more seriously and have maybe lost 2lbs. It’s nice to have a partner to check up on me. I even felt a little guilty when she told me about her progress. So now I’m trying to stay on track!
Briana and Hudson:
Every now and again I get a reminder that my little kiddos will not be little kiddos forever. This weekend we changed their car seats and their beds! Hudson is now old enough to sit in the big kid car seat like Briana, and she is now old enough to only have the booster seat. On top of that we moved Briana’s toddler bed into Hudson’s room and are going to turn Hudson crib into a twin sized bed (it converts) for Briana. In one day, my kids outgrew their seats and their beds. This is a terrible thing. To get over it, I have to remind myself of the following: Hudson still loves to hug and squish my face against his; Briana still lets me hold her hand and tuck her in at night; Hudson still cries, “Mommy,” and runs to me (arms wide open) when he is sad; and Briana still wants to cuddle when she is sick. I think these things will still be true for awhile to come. The hardest thing about being a mother is to knowing everyday your children will depend on you a little less, until one day…you have to depend on them.
Painting:
My house is starting to look like a home. If you didn’t know, nothing was painted when we bought it. It looked the way an apartment looks with off white, bare walls. But throughout the months we have been making progress: a bathroom here, a closet there. This past four day weekend we (by we I mean Charles) made a huge leap as far as painting goes. We finished the kitchen and the living room. Though I have to give him most of the credit for labor, I always pick out the color. And if I may say so myself, I have done a fabulous job thus far. Now we only have to choose the perfect color for our bedroom and master bath, finish the hallway, and finish some closets. I will update with pictures soon.
School and Work:
Since I haven’t been blogging…I have been thinking, thinking, and thinking some more. Recently my husband made me aware that if I wanted to go back to school so badly…then I should just do it. He said it would be difficult but that we would work together to make it happen. We would have to sell our home and cut back some debt, but it was a real possibility. I was simply giddy that he was open to this. But now that he was open to it, I had to decide if I myself truly wanted to do it. I researched universities, degree programs, admission requirements, and career choices. I figured out all the steps of making a decision like this happen. I pondered current expenses that I could eliminate. I opened myself up to the possibility of failure. I reminded myself of school stressors and asked myself if I could handle it all again…and for much longer this time around. I asked myself if I wanted to give up my current career path, my home, my income. I told myself that I could do it. I told myself that I was capable and that the reward would be great. And finally…I made a decision: No. I will not go back to school.
I made this decision because I think overall…I’m just starting to get antsy again. I’m looking for change. I’m looking for a quick fix. I don’t want to be that person all of the time. I picked my degree for a reason. Maybe someday I’ll find a career those better suits me or maybe I will love the underwriting program that I still plan on trying in the summer. Even better….maybe I’ll win the lottery. Above everything, I am a mother. I am a wife, and I’m a homeowner. My job is something that I do, and it doesn’t define me as a person. It’s what I do to so that my kids have all the stuff that kids need. It’s one of very few complaints in my life… and to me, that’s pretty awesome. So here I remain…feeling a little better to know that I have choices.
Walking with Aryn:
Aryn and I have continued to go on our weekly walks. We switch every week. One week she comes to my house, the next I go to hers. This week was killer. I’m pretty sure we fast walked about 4 ½ very hilly miles. I feel it all over today. She has been doing well for a few weeks now. I’m starting to take it more seriously and have maybe lost 2lbs. It’s nice to have a partner to check up on me. I even felt a little guilty when she told me about her progress. So now I’m trying to stay on track!
Briana and Hudson:
Every now and again I get a reminder that my little kiddos will not be little kiddos forever. This weekend we changed their car seats and their beds! Hudson is now old enough to sit in the big kid car seat like Briana, and she is now old enough to only have the booster seat. On top of that we moved Briana’s toddler bed into Hudson’s room and are going to turn Hudson crib into a twin sized bed (it converts) for Briana. In one day, my kids outgrew their seats and their beds. This is a terrible thing. To get over it, I have to remind myself of the following: Hudson still loves to hug and squish my face against his; Briana still lets me hold her hand and tuck her in at night; Hudson still cries, “Mommy,” and runs to me (arms wide open) when he is sad; and Briana still wants to cuddle when she is sick. I think these things will still be true for awhile to come. The hardest thing about being a mother is to knowing everyday your children will depend on you a little less, until one day…you have to depend on them.
Painting:
My house is starting to look like a home. If you didn’t know, nothing was painted when we bought it. It looked the way an apartment looks with off white, bare walls. But throughout the months we have been making progress: a bathroom here, a closet there. This past four day weekend we (by we I mean Charles) made a huge leap as far as painting goes. We finished the kitchen and the living room. Though I have to give him most of the credit for labor, I always pick out the color. And if I may say so myself, I have done a fabulous job thus far. Now we only have to choose the perfect color for our bedroom and master bath, finish the hallway, and finish some closets. I will update with pictures soon.
School and Work:
Since I haven’t been blogging…I have been thinking, thinking, and thinking some more. Recently my husband made me aware that if I wanted to go back to school so badly…then I should just do it. He said it would be difficult but that we would work together to make it happen. We would have to sell our home and cut back some debt, but it was a real possibility. I was simply giddy that he was open to this. But now that he was open to it, I had to decide if I myself truly wanted to do it. I researched universities, degree programs, admission requirements, and career choices. I figured out all the steps of making a decision like this happen. I pondered current expenses that I could eliminate. I opened myself up to the possibility of failure. I reminded myself of school stressors and asked myself if I could handle it all again…and for much longer this time around. I asked myself if I wanted to give up my current career path, my home, my income. I told myself that I could do it. I told myself that I was capable and that the reward would be great. And finally…I made a decision: No. I will not go back to school.
I made this decision because I think overall…I’m just starting to get antsy again. I’m looking for change. I’m looking for a quick fix. I don’t want to be that person all of the time. I picked my degree for a reason. Maybe someday I’ll find a career those better suits me or maybe I will love the underwriting program that I still plan on trying in the summer. Even better….maybe I’ll win the lottery. Above everything, I am a mother. I am a wife, and I’m a homeowner. My job is something that I do, and it doesn’t define me as a person. It’s what I do to so that my kids have all the stuff that kids need. It’s one of very few complaints in my life… and to me, that’s pretty awesome. So here I remain…feeling a little better to know that I have choices.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Friendly Anarchist
So, I have a new favorite blog: http:
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Be Kind and Feel Blessed
It’s easy to get flustered, angry, hurt, embarrassed or moody. It’s easy to blame someone for your problems. It’s easy to complain about your day, your situation, your life. It’s easy to judge other people, to point out their flaws. For example: today, I’m a little short on cash, I want a chocolate candy bar really bad but I’m on a diet, my car stinks because my dog got scared and peed in it, and I’m pretty fed up with some people at work (Doesn’t anyone know how to say thank you?). There, that was easy. I could probably think of 10 more reasons to frown or even cry; some small, and some serious. But for all the things that are wrong there is something else you should be thankful for. In life, there will always be people whose situations are better than yours and those whose situations are worse.
It’s more difficult to be happy, to smile, to laugh and to stop negative energy from affecting your overall mood. It’s more difficult to stop and think of someone else instead of your self. It’s more difficult to be kind to people who are not kind back. It’s more difficult to have faith in your future and to live for it through today. It’s more difficult to forgive…especially when it’s not asked for. But I think we should strive to be like this. For example: I have two beautiful healthy children, I have a safe home to live in, I can pay my bills this month, and I complimented my coworker the other day.
Though I am biblically challenged …I really love the verse from Matthew (7:3-5 I think)…almost as much as I love the golden rule:
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”
Religious or not this is great advice in life. For every flaw…huge or tiny…that you point out in another, there is one in you. Bottom line: you don’t know their story and don’t have the authority to point fingers. They may do things you don’t understand but it’s not your job to understand. This doesn’t mean their actions are right, or that they have good excuses for what they do. It only means that it isn’t our job in life to fix other people. We can change ourselves but we can only help others.
As far as blessings go…stop and think a minute about all the ways you are blessed. Remember your faults. Accept those faults or do something to change them. Do something that is positive in life...not just for your life but in the lives of others. Remember why you should be thankful, why today is a good day, and who loves you. Then go remind all those people that you love them back. Take a breath and be where you are. It's one day at at time. Everyday we are reborn. Everyday is an opportunity to change your life.-This is just something I tried to remind myself of today.
Off Subject P.S. I think all religious texts have important and beautiful lessons to teach and should be read even if you don’t particularly agree with common beliefs…and actually…especially if you don’t agree. If you’ve had trouble exploring your spirituality the way I have, or you’re devoted to what you believe in…I think exploration is always important. Life is about learning.
It’s more difficult to be happy, to smile, to laugh and to stop negative energy from affecting your overall mood. It’s more difficult to stop and think of someone else instead of your self. It’s more difficult to be kind to people who are not kind back. It’s more difficult to have faith in your future and to live for it through today. It’s more difficult to forgive…especially when it’s not asked for. But I think we should strive to be like this. For example: I have two beautiful healthy children, I have a safe home to live in, I can pay my bills this month, and I complimented my coworker the other day.
Though I am biblically challenged …I really love the verse from Matthew (7:3-5 I think)…almost as much as I love the golden rule:
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”
Religious or not this is great advice in life. For every flaw…huge or tiny…that you point out in another, there is one in you. Bottom line: you don’t know their story and don’t have the authority to point fingers. They may do things you don’t understand but it’s not your job to understand. This doesn’t mean their actions are right, or that they have good excuses for what they do. It only means that it isn’t our job in life to fix other people. We can change ourselves but we can only help others.
As far as blessings go…stop and think a minute about all the ways you are blessed. Remember your faults. Accept those faults or do something to change them. Do something that is positive in life...not just for your life but in the lives of others. Remember why you should be thankful, why today is a good day, and who loves you. Then go remind all those people that you love them back. Take a breath and be where you are. It's one day at at time. Everyday we are reborn. Everyday is an opportunity to change your life.-This is just something I tried to remind myself of today.
Off Subject P.S. I think all religious texts have important and beautiful lessons to teach and should be read even if you don’t particularly agree with common beliefs…and actually…especially if you don’t agree. If you’ve had trouble exploring your spirituality the way I have, or you’re devoted to what you believe in…I think exploration is always important. Life is about learning.
Friday, August 19, 2011
My Hero
Currently, my friend Alisha, is my hero. I hope she doesn’t mind me putting her in the spotlight here…but she is awesome. I’m a bad friend because I can’t remember the exact number…but she has lost anywhere from 60-80 lbs. Can you imagine!? Every time I see her I just remind her that she is like this shrinking woman. She’s smaller every time we hang out. She really inspires me to just stay motivated. If I want it, I can have it…I just have to do it.
She’s told me that her secret is just smaller portions, healthier food, and exercise (Zumba to be precise). Sounds easy right? I don’t know how many times now I’ve seen her turn down foods like cake and buttered popcorn. And she’s always carrying around some kind of snack or drink with her like water and grapes.
So yesterday, with this new job possibility in mind and inspiration from Alisha, I got back on the treadmill and ran/walked a mile. Then I did a few other more specific exercises. Yeah, I’ve been slacking. But exercising felt good…really good. Today I’m eating lunch with an awesome friend (Aryn!) at Sweet Tomato…so I’m not worried about temptation because they have the most awesome salad bar ever!
I’m not going to think about the whole dieting thing too hard because I always sabotage myself. I’m just going to take it day by day and think about all the wonderful feelings I will feel should I reach my goal and be a better me by next summer. Wish me motivation!
She’s told me that her secret is just smaller portions, healthier food, and exercise (Zumba to be precise). Sounds easy right? I don’t know how many times now I’ve seen her turn down foods like cake and buttered popcorn. And she’s always carrying around some kind of snack or drink with her like water and grapes.
So yesterday, with this new job possibility in mind and inspiration from Alisha, I got back on the treadmill and ran/walked a mile. Then I did a few other more specific exercises. Yeah, I’ve been slacking. But exercising felt good…really good. Today I’m eating lunch with an awesome friend (Aryn!) at Sweet Tomato…so I’m not worried about temptation because they have the most awesome salad bar ever!
I’m not going to think about the whole dieting thing too hard because I always sabotage myself. I’m just going to take it day by day and think about all the wonderful feelings I will feel should I reach my goal and be a better me by next summer. Wish me motivation!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Jake Jake
My Puppy isn't such a puppy anymore. He's getting big and heavy. Potty training is going okay but he still has accidents for no reason just after we have taken him outside. He doesn't pee in the crate anymore so I know he can hold it but sometimes I guess he just doesn't want to. Mostly I'm concerned about his want to bite everything. Not a mean bite...just a playful I want to chew on everything in my path including your hands kind of bite. I know he's a puppy but does it ever stop? Will he eventually just let me pet him and love him without trying to gnaw on one of my fingers? Tell me there is hope. I try to teach him not to bite me or the kids but it doesn't seem to be working. Should I try a muzzle?
He's still pretty cute though right? haha.
Holy Tomato
Remember my tomato post from awhile back? I said that I would be happy if only one tomato grew out of my two plants. I wish I hadn’t said that, because that’s exactly what happened. They looked so healthy and all the flowers budded but only one tomato came from the whole bunch.
Next year will be better. I’m going to plant a whole garden in the back yard so my plants will have better soil and more room. I ate my little tomato and it tasted awesome.
Next year will be better. I’m going to plant a whole garden in the back yard so my plants will have better soil and more room. I ate my little tomato and it tasted awesome.
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