These are some hard times. A hard time is the best time to believe in yourself.
"Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings." -Victor Hugo
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Flood Flood Go Away
Flooding is always very strange to me. I can't quite grasp how so much water leaks out of the river and floods surrounding areas for miles and miles. I don't think we have reached the flood of 93 levels yet, but I believe we are headed in that direction. Flooding has never affected me directly. Right now I live on a big hill in north Platte City, and in the past I've always been too far in town.
Right now, at this very minute, my poor hardworking husband is outside in the heat dumping rock underneath the railroad tracks in order to raise them in Atchison (who is experiencing severe flooding) so that the trains can still pass. He has to walk uphill on the rock in order to dump it for miles and miles so his ankles are really sore from walking sideways on an unstable surface for hours. Sunday he worked a 17 hour day and he's worked late every night this week. Every night he comes home late, puts Icy-Hot on his ankles, helps with baths and then goes to sleep.
I'm angry at the railroad for being less prepared and for working their employees to the bone, but I am so thankful that I have a husband who goes out every day to do that kind of work and provide for his family. He really is the best example of hard work that I've ever seen. My hero.
Right now, at this very minute, my poor hardworking husband is outside in the heat dumping rock underneath the railroad tracks in order to raise them in Atchison (who is experiencing severe flooding) so that the trains can still pass. He has to walk uphill on the rock in order to dump it for miles and miles so his ankles are really sore from walking sideways on an unstable surface for hours. Sunday he worked a 17 hour day and he's worked late every night this week. Every night he comes home late, puts Icy-Hot on his ankles, helps with baths and then goes to sleep.
I'm angry at the railroad for being less prepared and for working their employees to the bone, but I am so thankful that I have a husband who goes out every day to do that kind of work and provide for his family. He really is the best example of hard work that I've ever seen. My hero.
My Kiddos
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Under writing
Today I met with someone in the Construction Underwriting department. It's a part of my attempt to explore as many career paths as possible. I do know one thing: I do NOT want to be a claims adjuster. My job is to pick up all the claim adjuster's slack so I get a front row seat to their work lives. There's a man here who comes in before me and leaves after me. He can't sleep well, his desk is a mess, and his phone is always ringing. His life is his work. It's a very scary thing that I don't want to be. Not everyone is like him but it's more of a stressful job that I don't really want to be involved in.
Underwriting is more laid back, more flexible, and you're not denying anyone money. You have to deny them business sometimes but they have other options. I have already made this clear to my boss but he knows I'm a good worker and I'm afraid he doesn't want to let me go as soon as I'd like to go. I'm only required to stay in one position for a year but I always hear him say, "After two years you might be starting to get ready for a move."
I find my self wanting to leave to find other work at times but my company is a good company and they've taught me that not all insurance companies are evil. They were a big help to our insureds in Joplin and to others by donations. When you work for a large company it's difficult to understand the direct impact your role has on others but people come to insurance companies when they have a need. Sometimes it's a small need-getting a car repaired. Sometimes it's a big need-rebuilding a home after tornado destruction. But they need us and they trust us to be there for them during that time. I'm glad I can be a part of that.
Underwriting is more laid back, more flexible, and you're not denying anyone money. You have to deny them business sometimes but they have other options. I have already made this clear to my boss but he knows I'm a good worker and I'm afraid he doesn't want to let me go as soon as I'd like to go. I'm only required to stay in one position for a year but I always hear him say, "After two years you might be starting to get ready for a move."
I find my self wanting to leave to find other work at times but my company is a good company and they've taught me that not all insurance companies are evil. They were a big help to our insureds in Joplin and to others by donations. When you work for a large company it's difficult to understand the direct impact your role has on others but people come to insurance companies when they have a need. Sometimes it's a small need-getting a car repaired. Sometimes it's a big need-rebuilding a home after tornado destruction. But they need us and they trust us to be there for them during that time. I'm glad I can be a part of that.
The Mad Lady on the Elevator
I'm attempting to make up for all the days I haven't blogged so you might notice more blogs than usual in the next few weeks.
I work on the 3rd floor of a 4 floor building. Yesterday I pushed the elevator button to go up a floor to the mail room. I'd like to add here that whenever I push the elevator button, especially to go up only a floor, I feel guilty for not taking the stairs. I'm torn between making good habits and doing things as quickly as possible. I like to push the elevator button just as I walk by incase there is an available elevator already waiting on my floor and if there is not I will take the stairs. I'm silly. Anyhow, this particular day I was feeling tired and waited for the elevator. I wish I hadn't. It happened to be the bad elevator that shakes a little and takes 5 tries to close the door. Not only that, on the elevator, looking at me in the face when the door opened, was a very unhappy 20-something lady. She must not have been a co-worker because she didn't look to be dressed as such with her black hooker boots (I'm not being mean that's just the only thing I ever know to call them and I actually think they're cute) and tight jeans. Also, I expect a co-worker around this place would have been friendlier. I imagine she was someone who had a claim and was here to see a claim adjuster.
So I get on the elevator and smile. She does not smile and hits the close button of the elevator impatiently. The door closes half way. Then the door opens. The door closes half way again and opens again. I'm still blissfully unaware at how impatient and angry this lady is. She begins pushing the button over and over again in attempt to make the door close. By this time I understand she is in a hurry and sense that she is not only angry with the elevator but angry that I made the elevator stop on the 3rd floor only to go up to the 4th. So I say, "It will probably do that about 5 times before it closes." The lady lets out a big HUFF and walks off the elevator to the stairs. The door closes and I make it to the 4th floor alone.
I didn't quite know how to react to that kind of thing but I figure the poor lady might have just had her car smashed into or maybe her house caught on fire or any old thing and so I'm not mad. Some days I'm probably going to be the mad lady on the elevator. And that's my story. But from now on...I'm taking the stairs.
I work on the 3rd floor of a 4 floor building. Yesterday I pushed the elevator button to go up a floor to the mail room. I'd like to add here that whenever I push the elevator button, especially to go up only a floor, I feel guilty for not taking the stairs. I'm torn between making good habits and doing things as quickly as possible. I like to push the elevator button just as I walk by incase there is an available elevator already waiting on my floor and if there is not I will take the stairs. I'm silly. Anyhow, this particular day I was feeling tired and waited for the elevator. I wish I hadn't. It happened to be the bad elevator that shakes a little and takes 5 tries to close the door. Not only that, on the elevator, looking at me in the face when the door opened, was a very unhappy 20-something lady. She must not have been a co-worker because she didn't look to be dressed as such with her black hooker boots (I'm not being mean that's just the only thing I ever know to call them and I actually think they're cute) and tight jeans. Also, I expect a co-worker around this place would have been friendlier. I imagine she was someone who had a claim and was here to see a claim adjuster.
So I get on the elevator and smile. She does not smile and hits the close button of the elevator impatiently. The door closes half way. Then the door opens. The door closes half way again and opens again. I'm still blissfully unaware at how impatient and angry this lady is. She begins pushing the button over and over again in attempt to make the door close. By this time I understand she is in a hurry and sense that she is not only angry with the elevator but angry that I made the elevator stop on the 3rd floor only to go up to the 4th. So I say, "It will probably do that about 5 times before it closes." The lady lets out a big HUFF and walks off the elevator to the stairs. The door closes and I make it to the 4th floor alone.
I didn't quite know how to react to that kind of thing but I figure the poor lady might have just had her car smashed into or maybe her house caught on fire or any old thing and so I'm not mad. Some days I'm probably going to be the mad lady on the elevator. And that's my story. But from now on...I'm taking the stairs.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Evolving Self
Remember when you were little and the big people of the world looked down at you and said, "What do you want to be when you grow up?” And then you would answer without any doubt exactly what you were going to do. For me it was a marine biologist. I loved to swim and I loved animals and I wanted to be far away from home. As I got older I figured it would be more practical to go to school in town. MWSU, of course, doesn't have a program for Marine Biologists...so out went that dream. Isn't it always like that? We make decisions because of what's practical, or affordable, or reasonable and they're not always decisions that we make with passion. Well if you ask me today what I want to be when I grow up I will tell you, "I don't have a damn clue."
What I do know is that I'm working in a place now that I don't love. I don't hate it either. It's a great grown up job. I set my own hours, I have 4 weeks of vacation a year, and everyone is really nice. There's possibility for advancement, my boss is super nice and the work isn't too hard. Some grown-ups pray for my kind of job. I guess I'm not a grown up.
I have a lot of passion in the middle of my soul to do something that fills me up everyday. I love my kiddos but any parent will tell you it's not enough. I have a huge sense of self duty. I want to help people. I want to do something important for the community. I want to LOVE what I do and do what I LOVE. It's a curse some days. Sometimes I get enough motivation to actually start something, like my non-profit, The Hope Chest, but my ideas fail because I don't have enough support...whether financially or physically. I keep coming to the realization that my motivation and will aren't enough in this world. You have to have money and time and you have to somehow create them yourself despite the obstacles. I love my children but they create a barrier in life. I am limited to what I do because of them, at least for a certain amount of time. But I can’t keep using them as an excuse when there are so many women out there doing it all. I just don’t want to sacrifice my time with my kids. It doesn’t seem worth it.
My current thinking evolves around getting my own business started. I have a GREAT business idea. I know everyone says that but my idea is something that the community needs and does not have. It's something that has no current competition. I think there is a great potential for growth and I think parents will be immediately drawn to it. I am not getting too excited; I'm merely exploring the idea by attending a New Business seminar in Saint Joseph next month. I will let you know how that goes.
Until that update just remember that your biggest obstacle in life is 100% ALWAYS yourself. If you hear a voice in your head say, "I can't do this," (I don’t know about you, but I hear it A LOT) slap yourself and say out loud..."No. Maybe I CAN do this."
What I do know is that I'm working in a place now that I don't love. I don't hate it either. It's a great grown up job. I set my own hours, I have 4 weeks of vacation a year, and everyone is really nice. There's possibility for advancement, my boss is super nice and the work isn't too hard. Some grown-ups pray for my kind of job. I guess I'm not a grown up.
I have a lot of passion in the middle of my soul to do something that fills me up everyday. I love my kiddos but any parent will tell you it's not enough. I have a huge sense of self duty. I want to help people. I want to do something important for the community. I want to LOVE what I do and do what I LOVE. It's a curse some days. Sometimes I get enough motivation to actually start something, like my non-profit, The Hope Chest, but my ideas fail because I don't have enough support...whether financially or physically. I keep coming to the realization that my motivation and will aren't enough in this world. You have to have money and time and you have to somehow create them yourself despite the obstacles. I love my children but they create a barrier in life. I am limited to what I do because of them, at least for a certain amount of time. But I can’t keep using them as an excuse when there are so many women out there doing it all. I just don’t want to sacrifice my time with my kids. It doesn’t seem worth it.
My current thinking evolves around getting my own business started. I have a GREAT business idea. I know everyone says that but my idea is something that the community needs and does not have. It's something that has no current competition. I think there is a great potential for growth and I think parents will be immediately drawn to it. I am not getting too excited; I'm merely exploring the idea by attending a New Business seminar in Saint Joseph next month. I will let you know how that goes.
Until that update just remember that your biggest obstacle in life is 100% ALWAYS yourself. If you hear a voice in your head say, "I can't do this," (I don’t know about you, but I hear it A LOT) slap yourself and say out loud..."No. Maybe I CAN do this."
Father's Day
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